Argh! The Pirate Life for me…

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I’m sorry if this offends some people but…

I hate summer!

Hate.

It.

A. Lot.

While there is a rumor of a pirate in my family’s history, I really should have been one. It seems all I say lately is “Argh!”…out of complete and utter frustration.

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I have a lot of friends who love summer. Lot the heat. The humidity. Anytime it gets up over 80 degrees (26 Celsius), they’re like a hog in muck. Some just love it because they love the hotness. Being outside in the blazing rays, and tanning to their heart’s content.

For other friends, it’s about how they feel. The coldness of the winter months physically hurts them. They have fibromyalgia, or achy joints and arthritis. Whatever they have, the summer months, and along with it – the heat – brings them relief.

I get it. I hate hearing that my friends and family are suffering, and I’m glad that they are able to find something to help ease their pain and discomfort.

But there’s another side to that coin as well.

I posted on Facebook a couple of weeks ago complaining about the heat. I eventually deleted the post. You know why? Because most of the posts were in favour of the heat and humidity and basically some were saying “suck it up.” And that made me hurt. And angry.

First, because it was a post on MY page. So, if I want to complain about the heat, then I have the right to do so. But I have never gone to a friend or family’s page when they complained about something (and for a legitimate reason no less) and told them to suck it up.

Second, because I had explained in the post that not only do I put on a significant amount of water weight in the summer months, but if it’s too hot, I also feel violently ill. I can’t eat and I feel like I’m going to vomit. So I don’t go out much at all when it’s over 80 degrees (which is even too hot for me in most cases), and short of moving to the North Pole, there isn’t a whole lot I can do but say in the A/C and wait on Fall and Winter.

So I deleted the post.

A couple days later I had a conversation with someone who mentioned the post. She asked why I had deleted it and I told her. She went on to say that really was a bit insensitive of me to “whine” about the heat when there where people who suffer terribly because of the cold weather. She went on to say that my putting on “a little weight” doesn’t compare to those that have real physical pain.

Was she right?

Ignoring the fact that I said that I actually can (and do) get physically sick from the heat/humidity, when you have battled weight issues nearly your entire life and you are trying hard to lose weight and get healthy…and by NO fault of your own, you can gain 20 or 30 pounds every summer…you know what, yeah it’s not completely physical pain, but it’s disheartening and it’s frustrating. And it makes me want to give up. Every. Fucking. Time.

It takes me all winter to lose that weight and often I don’t. So it’s a yo-yo and I can never get ahead of the game and keep going with the weight loss. It also makes me more lethargic. That extra weight makes me physically incapable of doing even the simplest of things. Everything is a strain – on my heart and my body. My joints, my knees. They all ache and hurt. Even my hips. I get rashes. A lot of heat/sweaty rashes that literally burn my skin and leave scars. I sweat without even moving.

And don’t even get me started on hot flashes!

I’ve tried water-reduction methods, prescription water-reduction meds, soaking my feet, drinking a lot more water, etc. None have worked. Thankfully this summer I have the luxury of Air Conditioning and that has helped a lot. But I still have to fight the battle every year and the biggest frustration is because it isn’t because I’m doing something wrong.

So this is another reason that I am choosing the weight-surgery.

I had two appointments on Tuesday. The first with the doctor (not the weight loss surgeon but the Bariatric Center’s doctor who is one of the people who has to approve me for the surgery), and the second was a Nutrition Class to learn more about post-surgery eating. The Do’s and Don’ts.

To my shock, when they did an EKG/ECG, the doctor said the it appeared I may have had a heart attack.

If you want to ever get an incentive to get healthy – that was it. So he’s sending me to a cardiologist to get checked further. Keep your fingers crossed that it’s nothing serious because that will jeopardize my chances at the surgery. He did indicate that sometimes the readings could be a bit off on the EKG, hence the additional tests. But it does go to show you that you never really know what’s going to happen.

That news came only a day after I found out that someone I knew in South Africa who’d been having heart issues passed away. He’d been saying on the 10th that he need to get back to see his cardiologist because he wasn’t feeling well, and by the 15th he was gone.

So I’m not bitching about the heat for the sake of bitching. Or certainly not to diminish the pain and suffering of my family and friends. I brought up that because it’s a lesson that everyone has their issues. And just because I don’t “suffer” in the same way as others (or can necessarily understand), don’t diminish how I feel either.

There is nothing worse for someone who is trying hard to lose weight and get healthy (and can literally die if they don’t) to have to battle with a significant weight gain when they’ve done nothing wrong. And yes, the irony is that it is indeed my fault that I am obese…but now that I’m trying to correct that mistaken, should I really be punished for it?

Regardless, I’m still on the surgery path and have several more appointments set up. In the meantime, I am doing what I can to stave off the excess weight gain and fight through the summer heat. And it’s only June.

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Until next time…

Blessings to all.

dani1

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Hurry up…and wait.

 

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I’m not known as a patient person. Not one iota. I do try. But it’s just not something I’m very good at. And when it’s someone or something else I’m waiting on, it’s even harder. If I am the direct cause of something being delayed – fine, I’ll own that. Though I’m also not known for procrastinating on some things.

Finishing my book…well, that’s an entirely different beast all together.

So at long last, I have my consultation appointment with the sleep center. The last “hurdle” of my “must do’s” from the bariatric center. That is June 27th. It took them far too long to get this up, even after I provided them with my test results of my sleep study from 2007. But, at least it’s now set and I’m in the Q.

My first appointment with the bariatric doctor is now scheduled for June 19th. Later that morning I also have my nutrition class, which I’m told will be the only class with others, after which will be one-on-one with a nutritionist. Then, a week later, my social worker (ie: psychologist) to make sure I’m really ready mentally for the surgery and all that it entails.  Those three – they decide my fate for having the surgery or not – they all have to sign off on it and give their approval. So fingers crossed.

In the meantime, I have met some great people who have gone through the surgery and they are helping me to understand what my future will hold. Of course, everyone is different and with the assumption that I do have the surgery, my experiences will be different from everyone else’s but at the same time, similar. So I’m gathering a lot of information and I’ve joined a couple of bariatric weightloss groups on Facebook, and continue to learn all I can.

I’ll be honest…some of the things I read are daunting, and downright scary. But the idea of not doing the surgery and dying too early doesn’t appeal to me at all, so it’s a matter of lesser of two evils. And I’m really trying to see this surgery as not an evil, but as a great step to bettering my health. And living longer.

I’m also meeting new people who are in the same spot of their journey as I am. White it’s nice to get information and experiences from those who have been through it, it’s also nice to go along with people going through it at the same time – to get support and to be supportive of them on their journey.

I continue with Weight Watchers until I’m told to stop by the bariatric center. While I had a bit of an “up” after my birthday week, I’m happy that I lost half of that “up” this past week. I’m not going to freak out about the “up” and am just going to keep going.

Now that summer is here, along with the hot weather and humidity, my biggest issue (and fear) is water retention. I’ve been known to add 20-30 pounds of water weight every summer. No lie. I really cannot stand the heat, it makes me feel awful and I do what I can to avoid gaining it but my body just does not cooperate. My ankles swell up very badly, and apparently the rest of me where it’s not as noticeable.

So the idea of gaining water weight makes me very anxious.

And I’m really not the person that needs more anxiety in my life.

So while I (patiently) wait for these appointments to be done, and the next set of them until I (hopefully) get my approval and surgery date, I’ll be keeping on and doing my best…

This guy is my hero:

b6544bbb2d1f8ce973857e30b39a2f39 Who doesn’t love a cute bunny with shades and wears flip-flops?!

Blessings to all.

Love,

dani1