Does size matter?

No, this is not going to be a post that discusses men and their…er…size. It’s going to be about what things I hope to be able to do as the weight drops off but also at what point to I stop with the weight loss and practice keeping it off.

As I said in a previous post, this isn’t a “diet” that I’m going to go on and then stop. This is something I will have to work on for the rest of my life. I almost used the word struggle, and having never gone through it to the point of maintaining the weight loss, I can’t say for certain that maintaining is also a struggle – but I suspect it is. I’ve heard of people who have lost a lot of weight, got complacent and put it all back on, and then some. I know of a woman who successfully lost over 175 pounds all by herself (re: no surgery) and has kept it off after all these years. But she admits that it’s a struggle and she often finds herself dealing with a smaller weight gain to which she must fight to lose it again and it terrifies her to think of slipping up so much that she goes back to the way she was. This is understandable.

So what’s the “norm” for how much weight someone should lose? What size should they be? I’m not going to get into Body Mass Indexes (BMIs) at this time because I think it requires the proper equipment to better measure that simply entering someone’s weight and height. According to the below chart, someone of my frame size (large – well, duh!) and height (5’4″) should weight between 134-151 pounds.

weight-height-chart

My “goal” all along – since everyone seemed so fixated on my choosing a number – is 150 pounds. But I’ve always said that I’m less concerned about the number on the scale than how I feel. Am I healthy at a weight above that? Of course, the powers-to-be would say “no” because they stick to this sort of chart, and I can’t say for sure until I get down there, whether or not I’ll keep going to get to that 150.

What I’ll want to know then is AM I HEALTHY? Am I off all of the medications that were a direct result of my weight? Can I climb stairs without feeling like I’m stroking out? Can I walk more than a mile or two without feeling like I ran a marathon? Can I run a marathon? (not that I want to) Can I play a sport other than bowling that requires me to run around and I not tire immediately. Can I breath at night when I sleep that I no longer require a machine?

Those, to me, are the things by which I will judge whether I’m healthy or not – more so than a scale. So while I’ll certainly try to lose as much weight as I can to be in the range I should be, what I won’t do – what I’ve promised myself I won’t do – is consider myself a failure if I lose a lot of weight and get suck on 160 pounds or 175 pounds. I won’t get all that way and then see that I’ve failed because I can’t do that last 10 or 20 pounds. But again, I will certainly try but I’m going to allow myself a pardon.

Then there’s my clothing size. While I’m realistic about what weight I hope to eventually be down to – 150 – I will never likely ever be under 130 pounds. And that’s okay. It’s not in my bone structure. It’s not in my genetic make-up. It’s just not something that will ever likely happen. And that’s okay. I’ve never once had unrealistic dreams of what size I could get down to. Besides not necessarily being healthy for me to get “too thin”, I just don’t believe it’s possible.

So I will never be a size 0. Or a 4, 6 or 8. Hell, I may never be a size 10 or 12 either. I can’t really say for sure because I don’t know what size someone who is 150 pounds and my height might fit into. And with the many different shapes of women’s bodies, I’m not sure I can compare myself to someone else of that height and weight. So it’ll be a surprise for all of us!

I’m not going to go into lengths about what “today’s society” deems to be attractive when talking about body size. It’s “to each their own” I think – whatever you like – but we’re constantly bombarded with ridiculous photos (often photo-shopped!) to what the seemingly “perfect” body is. I don’t think it exists. And sure, there are women out there that have bodies that make even me salivate – wondering what it’d be like to have a body like theirs – but society is so fixated on it, it’s quite sad. And frankly, not amount of a near-perfect body is going to matter when you’re old, but certainly not if you’re an ugly person inside.

And I know I’m not ugly inside.

In all honestly, while I certainly want to be thinner and more healthy, my comments above about what the scale might say and that it doesn’t really matter are the God’s-honest truth. I don’t find women who are a size 0 to necessarily be attractive or even healthy. There are just so many variables. But even if I could get down to, say 120 pounds, I’m not convinced I’d ever want to. I’m a firm believer that some women should have more meat on their bones. Think Marilyn Monroe or Gina Lollobrigida. Those women by today’s standard would be considered over-weight. Utter nonsense I say! I’d give my right tooth to have bodies like them. Case in point:

Barris_Marilyn_MonroeOne of the last pics taken of Marilyn. Simply stunning she was.

gina-lollobrigida-measurements-02-e1421292852539 Gina Lollobrigida. Another stunner.

But I have my body. It’s the only one I have so while I’m working on getting it in better shape, I don’t think I’ll ever be that shapely. I don’t have the boobs. Somehow when they were passing out body parts, I got into the “hips” line twice and missed the “boobs” line. I have never seen any women my size who didn’t have big “D” boobs (at least). But you know, that’s so like me. Always the rebel!

So what my body ends up being shape-wise is anyone’s guess. I’ll have to deal with excess skin which can pose its own health hazards if not removed. Namely rashes which can often be painful and blister. Sometimes that extra skin can mean another 10-15 pounds of weight that do nothing but hang down and causes health issues. Interestingly enough (and stupidly I might add), the removal of excess skin is considered “cosmetic” and is not covered under health insurances – even though it’s problematic. Only some of that skin is tightened by exercise but most has already been stretched out past it’s elasticity limits. So it just hangs off the body. If the health industry was smart they would arrange to cover the costs of the skin reduction surgery in exchange for that skin to be used for burn units. Imagine how much more skin would be available for such a use than to have to take skin off of healthy sections of a burn victim’s body causing even more pain and healing time. Why haven’t they done this yet???

So I have no idea what my body will look like when it’s done. Its size or shape. I have scars, stretch marks and all sorts of other problems but those are all superficial if it means I’m comfortable in my own skin (pardon the pun) and am healthy. Most of all healthy.

Now I’m not a dress wearer. Mostly because I never feel comfortable in them. But one of the first things I want to do when I get way down is to buy a pretty (maybe a bit sexy) dress and go out to a nice restaurant and show myself off. Proud as a peacock. Not sure about heels given how my neuropathy in my feet means I am barely steady on them with sneakers, but maybe flats would be okay. Somehow I don’t think I’d feel very pretty or sexy wearing my Reeboks with a beautiful little dress. 🙂

Something like this, perhaps…(with my bra stuffed, of course! ha!)

Plus-Size-Cocktail-Dress-02 yes of course it’s purple.

So here’s looking forward to the moment I have my pretty purples dress.

Blessings to all for health, love and happiness. Always.

Love,

Dani

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About Danielle R.

An enigma. Try to figure me out. Pessimistic optimist of happily every after or close to it. A wanna-be writer, animal lover and ferocious friend.

Posted on October 6, 2015, in Weightloss Journey and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. I agree with all that you say in this blog. It is not a diet, but rather a life long schedule to eat what is best for you. And the losing is the hard part but the maintaining is even harder. Back in 1972 I joined Weight Watchers for the first time, weighing 158 and went down to 118. I even have a picture of me in my bikini at that weight. I became a lifetime member of WW and did keep it off for many years. I gained lots of weight with each pregnancy and three kids later I had gained a lot more than what I had ever weighed. Then when we planned to take a trip to Scotland in 2005 I was worried about being able to climb the 154 stairs to reach William Wallace’s sword in Stirling Castle. So 9 months before our trip I joined weight watchers again with the intention of losing 100 lbs as fast as I could and at that time they had a new program that I found very easy to follow. I lost over 50 pounds and was able to buy clothes at a regular store, not Penningtons. I remember how good it was to see the scale below the 200 mark! But when the trip was over I never did lose the other 50 pounds I needed to lose. And since then (10 years later) I have gained the weight back again. It is very discouraging. When I lost the weight I did do the daily exercise tape from WW and I also walked an hour on our treadmill. I know for me that eating properly is not enough for me to lose the weight. I also have to get off the couch or sitting in front of my computer. Now we are home from our summer trailer and back to our house here in Windsor and the plan is to get started again. Why oh why is it so hard to start again, fear of failure, knowing how hard it is, etc, etc. ?

    Liked by 1 person

    • I hear you on all of it, Linda. Getting starting, keeping going, maintaining…they are all levels of difficulty in one way or another. I can’t even give you the answers you need as I don’t know them myself other than keep trying. I’ve been trying to talk to myself nicer – even suggesting that I “do a little” and then congratulate me on doing that little which was better than nothing. I really understand the sitting on the couch or in front of the computer instead of exercising. I sit all day at work and even though it’s my brain that is getting worked, those damn hamsters are tired at the end of the day and it makes me physically exhausted too. And I’m so out of shape that I have zero energy. So I really do understand. Give it a go again and don’t give up. I’m here for any support you need! xo

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