For anyone who really knows me, it’s understood that rarely am I at a loss for words. If anything, I can’t seem to shut up. Do I have a lot to say? You betcha. Is any of it important? I suppose that would be up to the person reading it. I have no delusions of grandeur that there are people out there hanging on my every word. And maybe there shouldn’t be.
That’s not to say that I don’t want people to read what I have to say. On the contrary. I want people to read these thoughts that I put to “paper” for many reasons. In part, so you can understand who I am and why I’m the way I am, but also for a more selfish reason: I want you to care about me; what is happening to me.
I want you to care enough to commit to sticking by me through all the good and all the ugliness. To fight with me; alongside me. Because in all honestly, I can’t do this alone. Selfishness aside, you wonderful people are one of the main reasons I’ve even gotten this far – the determination to try again, to never give up and with God’s blessing – finally succeed. Without that, I’d be lost forever and that is no lie.
I need you.
I feel alone often in my life. But that’s okay. I’ve survived. But I don’t think I can make it through this particular journey alone. I need the strength, love, support and encouragement that only other people can really give someone when they are struggling.
And I use that word “struggle” because face it – that’s what this will be.
What we’re talking about – it’s scary and daunting. I’m under no illusions that it will not be the hardest thing that I’ve ever done. And I understand that it’s going to take a lot of commitment and hard work on my part, along with passion, strength, determination and heart. But…
I need you.
So I’m selfishly asking this of you. You have your own lives; your own issues. And I shouldn’t be asking this of anyone, but I am. Because as I sit here typing this, the tears are in my eyes at the idea that I’ve never given enough to anyone else to expect something in return. But I’m asking. No, I’m actually begging.